My own personal journey towards becoming my own friend has taken a lifetime to develop, and I know I'm not alone. Self-compassion and kindness may be two of THE most important life-skills to learn and yet so many of us struggle with them. We berate ourselves and tell ourselves all the things we will never be and all the things we should be doing. We have little regard for what we've survived or what we are going through.
When we are going through stress, emotional pain or illness, it is not uncommon for self-care to fall by the wayside, and yet it is during these times it is even more important that we are nurturing ourselves from the inside out. What ever you choose to do, set your intention for how you want to feel. For example do you want to feel relaxed, energised, well rested? Ask yourself everyday, "What am I going to do for my Mind, Body and Soul." Care for your emotional, physical, and spiritual health in a way that’s aligned with who you are and what you most need.
When we love ourselves unconditionally, we are able to love others in that same way too. Self-care, self-compassion and loving kindness are the foundation for all healthy relationships. It is our responsibility to do our inner-work, so that when we do enter into a relationship we are not coming from a place of lack and emptiness. We must fill up our own cup first before we can truly love and be there for another person in the way that a healthy partnership and connection thrives upon. If you don't love yourself who will? We attract the vibration we send out into the world so if you are not treating yourself kindly you will attract more of that same energy.
When was the last time you acknowledged the feelings that are asking for your attention? The more we welcome all feelings as our teachers, the more in tune we become with our intuition. Below are some ways that you can keep coming back to self-compassion and kindness no matter what is going on in your life.
Write a list of all the good things happening in your life. the people you are grateful for, the experiences you've had. Practice an attitude of gratitude. Gratitude transmutes painful emotions such as hurt, resentment, anger and sadness. When we focus on what we are grateful for we are reminded that the glass is always half full and that if we look around, there truly is so much to be thankful for. Remind yourself how far you have come.
Become Aware Of Your Self Talk:
Embrace your imperfections. NO ONE is perfect. There is always going to be someone that wishes she had what you have. Stop comparing yourself to others. You are unique and beautiful. Embrace who you are. Acknowledge your accomplishments and take a moment to appreciate how hard you are working and how far you have come. It's so easy to never feel like what we are doing is ever enough, and so we forget to reflect on the progress we have already made. Focus on the things you like about yourself rather than beating yourself up over the things you don't like. Consciously let go of the stories you keep replaying about the past and the worries you hold of the future.
We all need ways to express ourselves in healthy ways. If we don't have creative outlets we can so easily turn to self-sabbotaging behaviours. Make time to be creative. Paint, sing, dance, post motivational quotes, start a blog, write, crotchet, make some homemade cards for friends birthdays. Get a large piece of cardboard and make a vision board of the things you would like to manifest into your reality. I like to do these at least twice a year but also when starting on a new project or phase in my life.
Practice Receiving Or Asking For Support:
When someone wants to do something for you, do you shy away or reject their offer? It can be so tempting to shut people out when we are not in a good place. I do it too, but I have been practicing letting people in a bit more in recent months. I know for many of us this can be a really difficult thing. We love giving compliments, helping, caring and supporting others, but when it comes to ourselves, it is incredibly hard to receive. My challenge to you, if you choose to take it, is to to let safe people into your inner world and allow them to support you.
One of the most difficult things to do, and yet sometimes it is the very thing that will set the wheels in motion for you to break-through fear and get you moving in the right direction is to practice receiving or asking for support when you need it. You don't have to remain stuck! Get support in dealing with your past so it doesn't keep interfering with your future. Practice asking for help and seek external support through connecting with healers, therapists, life-coaches, friends, kinesiologists, etc. If you notice your inner-critic getting loud when asking for help you may want to uncover why this is so difficult for you. For me personally, I find asking for help difficult because of the times I have been rejected, not heard or turned away. It requires a certain vulnerability, but the more you practice, the easier it will get. Be guided by what your mind, body and soul are needing. Remind yourself you ARE worthy of support.
Have Regular Routines + Rituals:
Having little rituals and routines is important. You may like to burn incense, read, have a massage, take a long shower, meditate, cuddle up with a loved one, practice yoga, or listen to a podcast. Whatever you choose to do, make sure it is relaxing. Plan each day the night before you go to bed, so that you wake up with direction and purpose.
When we are constantly striving for more, it can be easy to not acknowledge how we are actually feeling and where we are actually at. Striving for more comes from a place of fear and lack. That feeling that we are not enough and we need to do more in order to be worthy, seen, validated, heard. You being you is THE most beautiful gift you can give to the world. It's in your presence, not in the things you do. Slow down. Simplify tasks. Often if we break things down into small and manageable steps, getting something done can be much less daunting. Focus on three main tasks you need to achieve in your day. Develop a greater appreciation for, and connection with, nature. Less doing, more being.
Listen to Your Body + Intuition:
You can do this in many ways. Some of my favourite ways I do this is through a meditation, a yoga class, a mindful walk, feeling the water hit my skin in the shower, drinking my tea. Be present. Notice the inhale and the exhale of your breath. Breath deeply, in through your nose and out through your mouth. Become aware of your tendency for your mind to wander too far into the future or back into the past. The time is now. It's all we have. Remain present.
Just as our mind needs fine-tuning and nourishing with healthy thoughts, so to do our bodies. Treat it well with nourishing foods. Have a day where you cook up a few different meals for the week so that if you ever have a night that you feel too tired to cook, you can defrost a pre-made meal. I like to do some weekly meal preparation every Sunday. Go for walks, spend time in the sun, feel the grass beneath your bare feet, turn to face the wind. Exercise to feel good inside your body, not to escape it. Run because you love the feeling of running.
Set Healthy Boundaries:
If there is someone in your life who consistently breaks a boundary you have set, it may be time to reassess the connection. If you know that you have a tendency to be drained easily by certain people, practice saying no sometimes. You can't do everything and be everything to everyone. Remind yourself of your main priorities and never compromise on your values. Stop making decisions from a place of guilt or obligation. Build each other up instead of tearing people down. If there is someone in your life who is continually trying to tear you down, it says more about them than it does about you. It is up to you to set a boundary.
Do not be a willing participant in gossip or nastiness. Raise your vibration by only speaking kindly of people. Accept that not everyone is going to like you or understand you. If you are living in alignment with your values, then keep doing your thing. When we shift the paradigm from comparing to celebrating, we release feelings of envy, jealousy and the fear of not being good enough. We are all on our own personal journey through life. No one has been through the trials you have faced. Where you are is EXACTLY where you are meant to be.
Deep Connection With your Soul Tribe:
It's so important to have a group of friends. Over the years I have learnt its not so much the number of friends I have but the quality of these friendships. I would much rather have 3-5 close friends then hundreds of friends that I have no deep connection with. Surround yourself with people who are self-aware and are on a journey to becoming the very best version of themselves they can be. You are the company you keep. Choose wisely.
Empty Your Mind:
If you find yourself ruminating on thoughts, get up and go for a walk around the block. Shake it off in your living room to your favourite tunes. Stop overanalysing and over-thinking. This is an energy depletion you don't need. Instead, redirect your energy to things that give purpose and meaning to your life. Affirmations are our mental vitamins, providing the supplementary positive thoughts we need to combat any negative thoughts we may experience.
“Love is the great miracle cure. Loving ourselves works miracles in our lives.”
― Louise L. Hay
Welcome beautiful. Here you will find the musings of my soulspeak infused with universal truths on love, conscious awakening, ancient wisdom, grace and flow.