When we go through illness, grief, loss and trauma, it's inevitable that if we make it out the other side, we will not be the same person we once were. We almost feel a sense of responsibility to share what we know and where we have come from. We grew in places we thought we never could. Places people doubted we would. We have battle-scars, and sometimes it can be hard to relate to the world as it is today. We have a sensitivity and a deep empathy and compassion for people because we know what it's like to suffer or feel pain. Our hearts have been cracked open and stitched up, time and time again. And yet they are whole, and beating and pumping blood through our veins, stronger than ever before.
Over the past few years I have come to really feel that my story has a message and that it needs to be shared. If it makes just one person feel less alone in their grief, then I know it was worth it. The loss of my Dad was the catalyst for a transformative journey back home to myself.
As most of you also know by now, my former years were also marred with ill health. From anorexia, to major depression, complex ptsd, anxiety and chronic fatigue syndrome, life had been a big struggle for survival for a long time. All of this coinciding with the loss of my Dad, my life as I knew it felt like a distant memory. Everything important was falling away. I had a strong feeling that I needed to move to start a new life for myself, but I wasn't fully trusting it.
Dad's guidance that night was the confirmation I needed. I had to do this, it was time.
I could no longer sleep walk my way through life.
I kept seeing white feathers wherever I walked, and began connecting with Dad at a deeper level beyond the brightest star in the sky. I tried to deny it, until I no longer could ignore the signs. It was up to me to align with what I deeply desired and dreamed of in my future.
Grief has this way of shaking you awake and making you change old patterns.
I chose to rise, remember who I was and find something that gave me a reason to fight for my life. I had two choices: To go down the familiar path of illness, hospitals and pain, or begin to reconnect with joy and a purpose beyond the struggle.
In 2014, I decided it was time to go back to studies, which saw me begin a life coaching course. Unfortunately the course had no heart and my whole body broke out in a rash on a five day intensive. There was no soul resonance and my body was repelling it. I knew I needed to course correct. Surely there were coaches out there who believed in heart over hustle, and were not in it for "six figure incomes." I then found the Beautiful You Coaching Academy which felt more aligned with the type of coach I wanted to be.
Those who know me well will know that once I make up my mind there is no turning back! I had made the decision, I told my Mum and within a week I began packing up my apartment! This move made absolutely no logical sense, given that my family and friends were all in Sydney. It would mean starting over. And maybe, that is just what I had to do. An opportunity arose and I stayed with a friend whilst I was getting a feel for the city I was guided to.
Eventually I found a place to rent right opposite St Kilda Beach. I literally walked across the road to the beach!!! My dream of beach side living was coming true.
Whilst I was scared, the move felt exciting, liberating and freeing, but most certainly was not without its fair share of struggles.
In February 2015, I embarked on the journey of a lifetime which served as a beautiful foundation for the work I do with women today. A few weeks after my move, I received my coaching manuals in the mail to my new address in Melbourne! I was making the dream happen.
I knew that I was only beginning to touch the surface of what was in this wild and expansive heart of mine. I spent many days working, studying and journalling from coffee shops and walking the long strip of the beach. I was co-creating with the universe and trusting the call. I was awakening to the future that I was so worthy of. I was learning to be comfortable in my solitude for the first time in a very long time, but still something was missing.
So vital to our well-being.
A few weeks in, I met up with my online friend Dannii. We were both in Rachel MacDonalds, Bright Eyed and Blog-Hearted Course and were both new to Melbourne. Slowly I began putting myself out there, meeting the locals and finding a support system to help me transition into my new life.
One weekend Dannii invited me to a wellness event run by Abbey Fox, a Reiki and Kundalini Teacher. I didn't know anyone and so was a bit hesitant due to social anxiety. I decided to go anyway. Dannii told me she had invited her friend Adelle who happened to live on the same street as me! It was meant to be! So the three of us jumped into Adelle's car and drove out to the Reiki and Wellness event. The energy in the room was so high vibing, and I felt right at home but a little shy a first.
I had just finished up a beautiful reiki healing and then decided to head up to do a Yin Yoga class. After the class I walked back downstairs and caught eyes with a dark handsome man. My heart skipped a beat. I was NOT meant to be meeting men, I was here to grow into my new skin! I decided since Dannii was over there and group of others it was okay to go over and chat. His name was Eugene. Our meeting was brief and no sooner had we parted. He asked if he could add me on Facebook. I wasn't really sure on the etiquette of all that, but we exchanged details and then I left.
There was just something about him. I didn't see the fact that he was in a full leg brace after what I later learned was the result of a terrible motorbike accident. What I saw was his heart and smile. A few days later he messaged me on Facebook. Something along the lines of...
"Hey Chelsea! How you doing? I've been wanting to try Matcha, since you made me aware of it! Is Matcha latte the same as Matcha tea? Would you like to have a Matcha meet up one of these days?It would be good to catch up with you!"
So we tried for a while to find a mutual date and eventually we did.
And the rest was history.
Each Friday, we looked forward to seeing each other. Euge was honest from the get go that he had two children. The fact he had a past was comforting to me. His openness and lay it all out on the table approach was admirable. It was one afternoon when we went for coffee and I just knew I had met someone really special.
He was into things that I was into, like holistic health, chakras, consciousness, and he was on his own awakening journey after a separation and pending divorce from his ex wife. He was older, and wiser, and grounded, and I liked that. I loved how open and vulnerable we could be with each other. It was especially attractive and rare to connect with a man that was so in touch with his emotions and the reality of the massive change his life had undergone.
We decided to not tell his kids about me for the first few months. They had already been through so much in their short lives. After almost six months had passed it was getting harder to keep it a secret. They were really excited to meet me, as I was them. We had a beautiful day at the beach together and I could tell this was the start of a really special bond we would share.
I will share more of this journey at a later date.
I was beginning to connect the dots....
Love...... Healing....... Water....... Melbourne......
Eugene is not only my partner, but my best friend and the one I am blessed to do life with. He has seen me at my weakest and loved me all the same. He has celebrated my wins and felt pain when I feel it. He is my rock and the most patient soul. He gives me the freedom to rise into my full potential. He is my biggest cheerleader for my dreams and knows what I need when I'm sick or run down. He is spiritual, conscious, wild-hearted, kind, compassionate and gentle.
Our meeting was beyond ethereal. I like that we have similar interests & passions such as holistic health, reiki, conscious relationships, meditation, nature, reading and music but also many of our own. He often triggers my core childhood wounds & challenges me to step up and take flight, as I do him. Sometimes we don't see eye to eye. Rather than see this as a bad thing we see it as an opportunity for growth and healing. We both have come from difficult pasts & have done a lot of work on ourselves.
When you begin to awaken, you are not coming from such a needy place when you enter into a relationship, not looking to lock in so quickly. Your need is still there as a human, but you are not so identified with that need so you can experience the sharing of love & oneness without ego.
This connection was very different to my 20's which were spent seeking love because I couldn't source it from within. Euge & I create magic & move mountains. We are both focussed on growth as individuals & as a couple. We prioritise consciousness & staying connected, especially when it's hard. The best bit, he makes me laugh everyday!
My message is one of hope, and unrelenting faith in the universe to pull through for you. My recovery began with trusting myself, recognising my own innate power, reconnecting with my soul and embarking on a healing journey that felt right and true to me. In the end it didn't matter what other people thought I needed to do, what mattered was what I knew in my heart I needed to do to turn my life around once and for all. I want you to know that you can find purpose in your pain too.
When we go through illness, grief, loss and trauma, it's inevitable that if we make it out the other side, we will not be the same person we once were.
We almost feel a sense of responsibility to share what we know and where we have come from.
We grew in places we thought we never could. Places people doubted we would.
We have battle-scars, and sometimes it can be hard to relate to the world as it is today.
We have a sensitivity and a deep empathy and compassion for people because we know what it's like to suffer or feel pain.
Our hearts have been cracked open and stitched up, time and time again.
And yet they are whole, and beating and pumping blood through our veins, stronger than ever before.
We have emerged....
Next week I will continue on with the story and will also be sharing some practical things you can do to support yourself in your own healing journey. I'm also sharing the basic five stages of grief that we go through and how these may look different for you than textbook stages.
Thank you for reading beautiful,
I would love to know what your current struggles are in your own grieving process.
Love, light and healing,
To be continued.
Welcome beautiful. Here you will find the musings of my soulspeak infused with universal truths on love, conscious awakening, ancient wisdom, grace and flow.