I am a woman of personal and collective paradigm shifts and progressive movements. I have been reborn many times in this lifetime. Following my intuition was the catalyst for my souls awakening I believe in the power of storytelling, and it is my hope that through stories and wholehearted connection, humanity steps forward with courage, grace and ease for deep healing and new paradigms. And so here is my story... a tiny drop in the ocean of time...
I grew up in Sydney and was born and raised by two loving parents. As a child I was very intuitive and highly sensitive to energy. I realised I could help heal animals and people through my touch. I loved the arts - especially dance, drama and painting. I was an all-rounder and a perfectionist, and excelled in whatever I put my mind to.
I was a deep and abstract thinker and derived deeper meanings beyond surface appearance. I loved to write and had journals filled to the brim with poetry and random musings on life and the universe. I loved nature and would spend lots of time outside at our first family house that was surrounded by bush. Today I am rooted back in with a passion for plant medicine and natures elements.
I looked up to my Entrepreneurial Father who owned shelves of books on spirituality, philosophy, business and mindset. I wanted to be like him! I thought I was super weird to be reading those books, and listening to self-hypnosis cassettes to help me sleep. I was meditating to his music long before I knew what meditation actually was.
At the age of thirteen I went on a diet and started exercising more than I was already doing. As a naturally athletic person, this felt amazing and I continued to obsess over rigorous exercise routines, in the pursuit of 'being more healthy.' At the time, I didn't realise I was covering up a deep unhappiness and self-hatred.
These healthy pursuits were short lived when I began to drop weight rapidly over the eight week school holidays. I knew I had gone too far and something had taken over me, only I didn't know what it was. I told my Mum and the next day we were seeing an Eating Disorder specialist and I was diagnosed with Anorexia Nervosa.
Not long after, it was also discovered I was struggling with Major Depression, Anxiety, Chronic Fatigue and Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I could not see a reason to live if this was going to be my life. I was so stuck and couldn't see a way out. Anorexia was like a slow painful suicide.
The pain of my day to day existence was the most excruciating pain I have ever felt. The demons within me wanted me dead, but there was an inner fight in me that held on, often by a thin thread, in the hope that one day, I may break free. Thus began a torturous journey of attempting to recover from an illness that ravaged my body, mind and soul for fourteen long years. At the age of 16, my weight had dropped to an all time low and I had day's to live. Once stabilised, we soon realised that all attempts at gaining weight in hospital were futile and we began to explore other options. Because whilst mainstream medicine provided an essential buffer from my own self-destruction, I found that it didn't really help me to nurture my sensitivity and soul.
Eventually I was accepted into a Day Program despite not nearly meeting the weight requirements. They gave me a chance after literally begging them to let me join. I was determined to show them I could win the fight, and win it I did. By 2005 I was well into my recovery and had reached and maintained a healthy weight. Although weight gain is only one aspect of recovery, it is a significant and essential ingredient in gaining ones life back. I still struggled immensely with my other disorders and was in and out of Sydney hospitals several times a year to keep me safe from myself.
My days were filled with dietician, psychologist, psychiatrist and GP appointments and trying to fight the thoughts that were making me sick. My message is one of HOPE, and unrelenting faith. When such pain could have broken me permanently, I chose to rise, remember who I was and find something that gave me a reason to fight for my life. I want you to know that you can find purpose in your pain too.
It was with this self-awareness and knowledge that I began to immerse myself in the world of holistic health and explore alternative ways to recovery from this life-threatening illness. I stayed connected to my support system from the hospital but eventually it was time to forge my own path and leave the revolving door, so to speak. I found I had within me all I needed to recover.
I am grateful to be a survivor. Many of my friends from hospital didn't make it out alive. Today I fight in their memory and because I am worthy of a life free of the disease that robbed me of half my life. During my periods of wellness, I had a beautiful career as a Childcare Educator. I dreamed of opening my own centre one day and also building a holistic treatment facility for Eating Disorders.
Part of my healing was reconnecting with, and remembering my childhood dreams, passions and gifts. Finding the gold in the mire took some time, but once I tuned into the deeper lessons and tapped into my soul, I discovered that I had all I needed within me to heal and turn my life around and rebuild a foundation that sustains me from the ground up.
From lost & broken, I reconnected with myself & understood that my difficult life path was serving as a beautiful initiation into the nature of the work I do today.
I was beginning to wake up.
In 2008 at the age of 21, my beloved Dad lost his battle with an aggressive cancer that raged his mind and body. You can read that story here, here, and here. Losing a parent so young is not something I ever could have imagined to have occurred in my life. I fell back into a deep depression and was convinced that it should have been me that died, not my Dad.
Back in to treatment for the next few years, I had to dig really deep, to find a reason to live. By now the focus of my healing had shifted from the Eating Disorder to the underlying stuff and now we were really making head way. Because lets be honest, Eating Disorders are never about food and weight, they are a clever way go protecting the sufferer from their true pain.
And so began the unravelling of my Childhood Trauma. My physical and emotional abandonment issues, my assaults, my reason for needing to control everything in my life, my depression, my anxiety, my chronic fatigue, my trust issues, my fear of men, my sexuality. All of it.
What I did not know at the time was this: My dark nights of the soul, were trying to wake me up. I soon realised that no one could save me but myself, and that in order to heal my life, I needed to trust the part of me that knew what I needed to recover.
From a space of brokenness, I reconnected with my inner-child and retrieved the lost parts of myself including my passion for life, for helping people, my creativity, my sensitivity and my deep desire to thrive. I feel that I am only beginning to touch the surface of what is in this wild and expansive heart of mine.
Eventually I learned to trust my intuition, I embarked on a more holistic approach to healing. When I let go and forgave myself for the path I had been down, a whole new world opened up to me.
As each year goes by without Dad here, I continue to feel a hole in my heart, but the more I open myself to spirit, the more he reveals himself to me. I feel his presence almost everywhere. He sends little signs from up above guiding me and encouraging me on my path. Today our connection is so strong- even stronger than when he were alive.
I promised my beloved Dad that I would not die with my dreams still inside of me. That I would embrace all of that which I am here for. I am grateful for his entrepreneurial spirit and drive, for instilling in me core values and a holistic view on life. Life has changed a lot since that time of great loss and I feel so much love and gratitude to be where I am today. To have found home within myself and also in Melbourne.
In honour of Dad's memory, I chose to get really brave with my life. This manifested as an unexpected move from Sydney, to Melbourne. A move which made absolutely no logical sense but I knew I just had to do. Whilst I was scared, the move felt exciting, liberating, freeing.
I am pretty much obsessed with all things neuroscience, mindset, emotional embodiment, energy healing and goddesses. Alongside all of this, I am an avid writer, painter and cat lover. You can check out some of my art work here. My online store is coming soon where you will be able to purchase prints, or originals. I also do commissions.
Everything that I teach is something I have been through in my own life. For without having walked the path of my own awakening and soul retrieval, I am not able to authentically guide others. Today I live with my soul-mate Eugene and together we are building our dream life. My life is filled to the brim with purpose and love and it is such an honour and a privilege to work with awakening women who are ready to align with their Sacred Soul-Print.